


Netflix & Chill

by Ghoulcore



Category: Super Junior
Genre: And so is Donghae, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hyukjae POV mostly, Hyukjae has a crush, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nothing serious though, Ryeowook is an awesome friend, Yesung has done nothing wrong in is life, and fluff, and is pretty bad at feelings, because i'm a sucker for fluff, i might be projecting here, no beta we die like men, some profanity ahead i'm sorry, yehyuk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26389147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghoulcore/pseuds/Ghoulcore
Summary: It had begun a couple of months ago although, if he was being true to himself, something that didn't happen as usually as it should, it had really begun almost two years ago, but who was keeping track. Not him, that's for sure. Yeah.
Relationships: Kim Jongwoon | Yesung/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk
Comments: 32
Kudos: 73





	1. Shattered

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sujuseries (Mythicalseries)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mythicalseries/gifts), [CucarachaElf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CucarachaElf/gifts).



> Please don't let me banish this one into oblivion!  
> It's been ages (a couple of years, really) since the last time I wrote fanfiction, so I'm both a little rusty and a litte scared, but I have this silly short story almost ready and I guess I'm uploading it somewhere as to force me to revise what's left and finish it.
> 
> So yeah! Not a translation! I hope you'll enjoy this one too ^^'  
> But yeah english isn't my native language, I tried my best but if there's anything wrong please let me know! 
> 
> (Also, a gift to both my friend CucarachaELF back on twitter and Sujuseries because it was their work that made me want to write again. I hope if they ever see this, they'll like it)

* * *

16:23 // ** _I don't know..._**

_16:47_ _//_ **_Wanna come over and_ **

_16:47 //_ **_Ah, what’s that funny sentence…_ **

_16:48 //_ **_Ah, yes_ **

_16:48 //_ **_Netflix and chill?_ **

  
  
  
  


Hyukjae tossed his cell phone on the bed as if it had suddenly burned his fingers. He wasn't 100% willing to let that theory go, because he was sure that body temperature had risen a bit. God, he was burning wasn't he?

He had only been trying to strike a conversation, nothing else. Come clean, annoy him a bit, maybe, but he wasn't ready for anything else, not yet. Or at least that's what he kept mumbling to himself as he paced the room, the cell phone still lying on the bed, face up, no new text messages on it.

A few minutes later he was squatting on the floor, his face hidden behind his hands and trying to think exactly how he had got into all of this... mess, for lack of a better word.

It had begun a couple of months ago although, if he was being true to himself, something that didn't happen as usually as it should, it had really begun almost two years ago, but who was keeping track. Not him, that's for sure. Yeah.

* * *

  
  
  


In a way it had been bound to happen. They had been walking on a tightrope for way too long and that's a kind of equilibrium that cannot last. The metaphorical coin had started spinning the first day he decided that if Yesung would _not_ for the love of any God in Heavens stop following him everywhere practically begging for his attention, he was kind of entitled to turn said attention back at him. Right? 

And _somehow_ he had found himself knee-deep in _something_. He had refused to put a name to whatever was going on there, as if naming it could make it more real. 

One thing led to another and that thing led us to three months prior to that afternoon when cell phones were tossed and curses were muttered. 

It had all the signs of a pretty average day and by the time Hyukjae found himself rising up from bed and turning off the alarm he had no way of knowing that in less than 24 hours he would be wishing he had just ignored the noise and gone back to sleep. Not that he really had a choice, even if by any chance he had known. But maybe in the days to come he would find solace in that false feeling of freedom of choice. 

But that day there was a concert ahead so, as it has just been stated, really not much of a choice there. 

By three o'clock everything was ready and by five they were stepping on stage, bathed under the flashing lights, just right where they belonged. 

And then, everything shattered. 

For him it felt like a house of cards carefully built being knocked down by a careless hand. 

For an external viewer with keen eyes it was probably more like a jenga tower that had had one too many pieces removed from the bottom to be stacked on top. 

Both may feel the same, but they're not.

In any case there was indeed a hand involved, the one that, while the lights dimmed and the crowd roared not only refused to leave his waist but also had found its way in between his shirt and his belly, soft fingertips leaving a trace of warm sparks on his skin. 

He closed his eyes so hard it made stars dance behind his eyelids, the roar of the crowd just a low and distant rumble overshadowed by a rhythmic warm breathing just above his ear. 

And then, time resumed its usual pace, the roars came back crashing like a wave and the stars in his eyes gave way to a sea of blue. 

But the feeling lingered, eating him up and refusing to stay quietly at the back of his head until he had the time or the interest to think about it. Just for a couple of hours more, once he was back at his place or even better, never. 

So, he made a mistake. Nothing serious and, truth be told, probably no-one realised, but it annoyed him to no end. Which made him miss a beat again and now a small ball of anger was begging to form inside his chest, trying to claw its way out. 

By the time the show was over he was tightening his jaw so hard he was sure someone was bound to find out about his inner turmoil; so when everyone had been thanked and all the photos had been taken he slipped away in silence, hoping to remove his makeup, change his clothes and find himself in his car on his way home before anyone could have the chance to ask him to join for a round of beers. 

He had just finished tying his shoes when a familiar shape entered his field of vision. 

“Hey, wanna take a picture? You can put on that grimace of yours if you want, I was planning on uploading it later anyways.”

He rose up to see Yesung in front of him, cell phone in hand and a bright smile on his face. The singer was practically shining.

“Not today, no.” He walked past him, trying to avoid his gaze while grabbing his bag. 

“Are you okay, Hyukjae?” His back was turned to him, but he _knew_ , just by the way his voice came out, that the singer's eyebrows were now knitted together, a nervous look on his eyes. 

“I'm leaving now.”

“Did something happen? You seemed okay onstage. Are you hurt?” Yesung sounded a bit more anxious now and he knew he had to pass by him to get to the door and _was he walking towards him_? He couldn't really tell because that jolt of electricity was back again roaming the same path those fingers had roamed not even an hour ago and he was feeling sick now. 

So when those same fingers tried to grab a hold of his hoodie he just moved swiftly away and headed to the door. 

“Bye.”

Not even two minutes later, the rest of the group found Yesung standing in the middle of the room, a look of confusion in his eyes and, Ryeowook noted, one hand flexing repeatedly, as if trying to grab onto something. 

“I thought Hyukjae was with you.” Leeteuk said before grabbing some make-up removal wipes and taking a seat in front of a mirror. The sound of his voice bringing Yesung's head back to Earth. 

“No, sorry. He just left.”

  
  


-

By the time he finally got home he was pretty sure he was going to puke. He was still angry, mind you, even if he really didn’t know what he was angry about, but the anger biting at his chest was now pulsing against the bright white hot tendrils that slithered through his belly and at that point he would swear there was no space left inside of him for anything else; so how was he breathing even if the breathing itself was nothing more than a erratic wheezing noise and how could he feel so nauseous with no stomach that needed emptying?

But he puked anyway, which helped him realise that those emotions were not going anywhere anytime soon but that, on the bright side, he still had all of his organs inside. There was a happy thought to hold onto. And so he did as he pushed himself upwards and cleaned his face, cold water running down his arms and soaking his shirt.

And now he was lying on his bed, a place that had felt so nice and enticing not even 24 hours ago, both his arms hugging his chest and abdomen trying to keep whatever all of that was there caged but mostly to keep it away from his head.

When he finally fell asleep hours later, lulled by sheer exhaustion, the low rumble of cars in the distance and a cell phone that kept vibrating from time to time against the floor tiles, he dreamt of soft hands and bright smiles.


	2. Let's go back to normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesung had stepped on a boundary, he had crossed a line and that explained how he felt. But had he really? The glass he was holding in between his fingers made a sharp noise when left on the table. He really shouldn't been thinking about this; it only made him feel worse.

In those few precious moments before completely regaining consciousness, he was happy. As if a small bit of his dream had slipped into reality, he could still feel warm patches all over his skin. He really did not want to let that feeling go, whatever it was.

He curled in bed, hidden under the soft blankets, still not awake enough, lying inbetween dream and reality, not quite sure of which was each but silently hoping that the crimson red heaviness of his chest belonged to a realm of nightmares, easily vanished once the night had came to an end.

And then the remaining soft warmth left, leaving him all alone and cold once again.

_"Fuck"_

So, there was no point anymore to linger in bed, a place that had become so hostile for him in such a little time. Shower, then breakfast, then something to occupy his mind for as long as he could manage: thinking would not bring anything good to his mind that day.

When he finally picked up his phone, waiting for the teapot he had just left on the stove to heat up, the texts from last night were staring at him, little accusatory white bubbles just sitting on his lock screen.

> _**Donghae** _
> 
> 20:38 // **everything okay?**
> 
> 20:46 // **we're gonna grab some dinner now, wanna come?**
> 
> 22:04 // **see ya monday!**

His finger swipped right, making the notification vanish into oblivion, at least for the time being.

> _**Siwon** _
> 
> 21:05 // **Are you okay?**
> 
> 21:05 // **Let me know if you need anything!**

_Swip_

> _**Wook** _
> 
> 20:53 // **Did you talked with Yesung before you left?**
> 
> 20:53 // **Was he okay?**

A small shiver runned down his spine. _Swip_.

> _**Group chat** _
> 
> _**LT** _
> 
> 23:25 // **Don't forget: Monday at 5pm**
> 
> _**Shindong** _
> 
> 23:32 // **Yup**
> 
> _**Wook** _
> 
> 23:45 // **Yes**
> 
> _**Kyuhyun** _
> 
> 03:18 // **yah, yah**
> 
> _**Donghae** _
> 
> 8:30 // _***Thumps up emoji***_
> 
> _**Siwon** _
> 
> 9:01 // **See you all there!**

_Swip._

> _**Aesonggie** _
> 
> 04:03 // **Is everything okay?**

_"No"_ He whispered towards the screen as he swiped the notification away once more. He could feel the beggining of a migraine in the back of his head as he left the cell phone on the countertop, wishing for the water to _just boil a little faster_. Quite a lot of silly wishes for a sunday morning.

Water would not bend the laws of physics for him and it seemed that his brain wouldn't give him a break either, because those same white warm tendrils of last night were crawling on his belly yet again and he really really didnt want to think about any of this right now. By the time he sank into the couch, tea in hand, he was feeling warm and dizzy, as if a fever had taken hold of him. It wasn't fair, or so he thought, gaze lost in the blank walls that surrounded him.

Everything had been going so well, why was this happening? And what exactly was going on?. He closed his eyes, sighed and bit his lip.

Nothing had really happened, right? He was confused, and that confusion was turning into anger in his mind.

Yesung had stepped on a boundary, he had crossed a line and that explained how he felt. But had he really? The glass he was holding in between his fingers made a sharp noise when left on the table. He really shouldn't been thinking about this; it only made him feel worse.

* * *

Things, and by things we mostly mean his state of mind, didn't improve the next day, even if Hyukjae was sure that a good night's sleep (it wasn't) and putting some time and distance away from whatever had happened would help.

Mostly, because by the time he arrived, Yesung was already there; definitely not a surprise but no good news either. He managed to avoid him for hours, and if someone noticed, noone said a thing.

And then, practise was over and for a tiny moment Hyukjae allowed himself to think that maybe everything would just fix itself, that he would forget whatever had been going on and that he wouldn't have to face whatever was boiling deep on his chest. He turned to leave, bag already in his hand, and he almost crashed into Yesung. How he managed to move so silently sometimes he'd never know.

"Do you have a minute?" Even if he tried to avoid his gaze he managed to see just how tired the singer look. He had put half a smile on his face, trying to look as if nothing had really happened. He could smack him for that smile.

"Not really, no." He really wanted to leave now.

"It's just... Are you okay?" Hyukjae couldn't help himself from snorting loudly. Yesung recoiled at the sound as if something had hit him in the guts.

"No, I'm not okay and no I don't want to talk about anything. Can I leave?"

"It's just..." Oh God, he really wasn't going to leave him alone, will he?. What was with Yesung's need to talk about everything?. "It's just that you seemed okay before the concert started, I just thought mabe something happened. I'm worried. They all are."

"Well I don't see them asking, do you? Why do you have to be so goddamn intrusive?" Yesung half smile had already left his face, replaced by a blank mask that Hyukjae couldn't really nor cared to read.

"Was I..." His voice had lowered now, trying to put into words whatever had been on his mind. "Was I intrusive then? I know I can be, sometimes." How could he always be that correct, Hyukjae didn't know, but the fact that he had really hit the right spot was enough to let all of his anger loose.

"Yes you were, I'm glad you noticed."

"I'm so so sorry, I always do it, you never complained and I thought-"

"Stop saying you thought because, really, right now I don't think I wanna know what's in your head. Just don't. Again. And let me leave because I really don't want to be having this or any conversation right now."

"I just..."

" _ **Shut up!**_ " He had screamed now, and probably everyone was looking at them. He couldn't care less. All he could see now was the door behind Yesung so he just pulled him aside a left.

* * *

What the heck had that been? And why was he feeling like shit? He went straight back home, dodging Donghae who tried to stop him from storming out of the room, not looking back even once, meaning he could not see how Yesung's hand had started trembling and how, silently as only he could be, Ryeowook had reached for him and taken his hand in between his, whispering something to the singer, who would not take away his eyes from the door.

Interestingly enough, Hyukjae was also trembling when he got home; if it was because of the boiling anger he felt in his chest or because something else too he really couldn't tell. And, if before he fell asleep he noticed his cell phone light turning on, he pretended he did not.

> 23:48 // **Don't answer if you don't want to, it's okay**
> 
> 23:48 // **I'm sorry.**
> 
> 23:49 // **I didn't mean to push any boundaries with you, I swear. But you don't have to believe me if you don't want to, that's okay.**
> 
> 23:49 // **I won't do it again.**
> 
> 23:49// **I'm so sorry.**
> 
> 23:49// **Friends are supposed to take care of their friends and I didn't.**
> 
> 23:50// **And I hope you'll forgive me so I can still be your friend.**
> 
> 23:50// **Let's go back to normal.**
> 
> _Last connected: 23:50_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry.  
> (Also this was the chapter I was struggling with the most so I'm also sorry if it looks kinda bad. I swear better things are coming :_ )


	3. Everything is (not) okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to normal, that sounded good. A nice happy ending with a bow on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised a quick update so there ya go! Hope you'll enjoy it 💖

He lay in bed for a while, gaze lost on a ceiling that was not as interesting as he was forcing himself to believe while his fingers played with the cell phone that now rested upon his chest. He hadn't read those texts before he crashed into the bed last night, angry, sad and confused, wishing that sleep would come soon to him (which it did) and that a new morning meant leaving all of this behind.

Which turned out it kinda did, too?

_Back to normal_ , that sounded good. He mouthed it a couple of times, letting the silent words rest on his tongue and on his lips. _Back to normal_. Good. He could now erase these past days and lock away whatever had been eating him up because it was clearly over. A nice happy ending with a bow on top.

So when he finally rose up from bed in a swift movement, feeling lighter than he had felt in days, a smile was starting to form in the corner of his lips. Normal was good, normal was _safe_ , he knew how to deal with normal.

He had just not been aware of what normal meant.

Which hadn't been his fault, really, because sometimes it's easy to lose perspective when you're entaglend in the middle of something, as he had been for not just these past days, but these past years. Normal hadn't been happening to him since the day he had, on a whim, decided to step into whatever had been going on with Yesung, and it really hadn't been no-ones fault. But that's just how things went.

What Hyukjae hadn't realized yet was that going back to normal meant, obviously, stopping all of their shenanigans. Because that was normalcy, wasn't it? That had been the core of their friendship for the longest time.

No more walking on a tightrope, no more precarious equilibrium.

No more inner jokes, no more teasing, no more being annoying little brats.

He wouldn't come to that conclusion, not for a while at least.

That's why, when a couple of days later he finally met the singer face to face in the practice room, he found himself truly and properly smiling and there was no anger or guilt on his chest.

Nor there was any when he tried to get Yesung's attention from the other side of the room where he had been discussing various topics with Donghae and some of the dancers and the singer hadn't raised his head from his cell phone, dark strands of hair covering them and shielding him from the view.

Hyukjae just shrugged and turned his attention back to work.

* * *

He still didn't quite grasp what _normal_ meant when later that week, during a rather long and tiresome meeting, he had tried to lighten up the mood throwing a small piece of paper in the singer's direction who had been, for the past hour or so, immersed in the amazing world of the ice cubes in his coffee slowly melting away. Not that the dancer had been checking, or anything.

Yesung, startled, raised his eyes in Hyukjae's direction, who was already getting a retort ready, but he just smiled tiredly, an expression that didn't quite reach his eyes, and put the small ball away.

At that moment Hyukjae realised that all the eyes in the room were on him and that no-one had been talking for a while now. He gulped, anxious, looking for a way out.

"He wasn't paying attention!" Okay, that had been definitely lame. "I was just trying to bring his head back to earth!" The silence was palpable now, and really, why were all of them looking at him like that? Yesung was the one who was being all down and distant! That was what he did! Annoy Yesung, light up the mood! 

"He's right. Sorry, I should have been listening" Yesung's soft and deep voice finally broke the silence, making him in turn the center of attention now, that tired smile still lingering on his lips. "Please, go on, I'll focus."

And just like that, the meeting went on, and now Hyukjae was the one not paying attention. What had that been? From where he was sitting he could see Kyuhyun turn his head towards Ryeowook, whispering something in his ear, who then turned towards Yesung sitting by his side, and took his hand carefully into his, squeezing it lightly while mouthing words Hyukjae could not quite make up.

He was confused. Had the singer not been getting enough sleep? He sometimes behave weirdly after a couple of days running on a few hours of sleep, top. Was _he_ feeling worried? Why was he feeling worried? Yesung could take care of himself, it was no-one of his business anyways. And since when could he read the singer's mood swings? _And why was he starting to feel sick watching Ryeowook's hand on Yesung's?_

It was okay, right? His mind was racing now and he was fairly sure his breathing was faster than it should be, considering the circumstances. It was okay, because Ryeowook had always taken care of Yesung, he had always been his friend. Was he even his friend too? A friend would have been holding his hand now, and he wasn't. And, somehow, he really did want to hold his hand right now.

_What the fuck is wrong with you, Lee Hyukjae?_

* * *

Days turned to weeks, which turned to months and nothing changed, at least not since _everything_ had and now Hyukjae's world had been turned upside down.

Well, something did change: For a while now, Yesung had not been himself. He was looking more tired each day, the dark circles under his eyes almost visible even after make-up had been applied.

Every time his gaze rested on him, which as he was painfully aware had been an increasingly usual occurrence, he felt a sharp pain on his guts, like a thousand needles were piercing his skin trying to rip him apart. Maybe it was guilt.

He had tried to get Yesung attention back a hundred times now, and nothing worked. Jokes, teasing imitations... One particular low point of his was trying to sneak pictures and videos of the singer in a vain attempt to get a reaction for him. The staff had laughed at those shenanigans; there was even a video of _him_ doing those things going around. If Yesung had realized which, by the way everybody was laughing was almost impossible he hadn't, he had said nothing.

Every futile attempt only seemed to serve one purpose: fueling both his guilt and his anger anger because he really did not understand why the singer had swore that everything was going back to normal to then leave him like that. _Alone_.

And then it came the breaking point.

He had been following the singer since the beginning of the concert; it was lame and cheap and he knew it, but maybe that would make Yesung look at him, call him an idiot, laugh at him. And maybe that'd make everything okay. There was just a tiny ray of hope when, during a ment, he made a fool of himself as Yesung was speaking and for a moment Hyukjae thought that everything would be okay, finally. But it was gone as fast as he went. Yesung turned back to Leeteuk, who was still talking while using his hand to softly push Hyukjae away, and he was alone again, surrounded by a thousand eyes. 

It had been indeed just a small gesture, so the dancer could not really understand why it hurted so much. But he was not delusional enough to not realize that that small gesture had been the only time Yesung had touched him in months. He had only touched him to push him away.

* * *

When the concert was finally over he found himself chasing down a feeling down the rabbit hole; he was feeling empty; no words or emotions inside of him, just hand-shaped holes on an empty carcass; holes on his lower abdomen refusing to heal, refusing to let him forget about that night months ago and a new hole where Yesung had touched his chest to push him away. He wanted to cry, he just didn't know why.  
  


"You are coming with me. Dinner. No excuses" Hyukjae lifted his gaze from his hands and realized almost everybody had already left. Had they said goodbye? He really didn't know. Voices echoed inside his head, noises of people cleaning and tidying up now that the concert was over, but he was having trouble focusing.

"I... I really don't feel like eating anything, Donghae. Sorry"

"I said no excuses" His friend's hand was resting on his shoulder, warm and comforting, but he was still aware enough to notice how it'd turn into an iron grip would he tried to leave. He sighed and nodded.

"Okay."

"Good."

In any other circumstances he would have found the restaurant nice and cozy, a small and familiar place with dim lights and screens in between the tables to allow for more privacy. Donghae's hand was on his back, guiding him and, even if his friend didn't know, helping him ground his mind and body. God, he really was lucky, wasn't he?

"Ah" He could almost hear Donghae's smile on his voice. "Wookie, you're already here! Nice, let's get something to eat, shall we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best friends squad are here to save the day!  
> Also this little thing got a bit out of hand so maybe it'll last for a few more chapters!


	4. Two conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Really?" Ryeowook was now playing with the bottle in his hand, clearly more and more amused as minutes went by, almost as if he have been waiting for this for a long time now. Which he probably had. "I'm going to spell it out for you, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong although I know I'm not."

He had kept quiet for the most part of the dinner, focusing on his plate and avoiding any gaze in his direction. Luckily for him, both his friends had started talking the minute they had sat down and were pretty much ignoring him; for that he was thankful, even if he somehow knew it couldn't nor wouldn't last.

Therefore, and of course, once everything had been cleared out from the table and someone had ordered drinks, Ryeowook clapped his hands together and looked at him, smiling. Even from behind the strands of hair that covered Hyukjae's eyes, it didn't quite look like a friendly smile.

"So, what's going on with you?"

"Well" Donghae, leaning on the table, tried to interrupt standing up for his friend. God, he really did have good friends. "both of them, actually."

"No. I know what's going on with Yesung." Hyukjae's eyes lifted up for a second from the beer tag that had looked so mesmerizing until then. So something was going on with him, too? Everything was not okay? He felt a pang of guilt in his chest but at the same time a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. If there was something wrong it meant that it could be fixed, and he really really wanted to fix this mess. "Now I wanna know what's going on with _you_."

"I… I think I messed up." When he finally found the strength to answer he surprised himself with that statement. If Ryeowook had asked him weeks ago, that thought would have never crossed his mind, but now, something deep inside of him screamed that it was really his fault after all, not Yesung's.

"Yah, no shit, Sherlock." Donghae's laugh echoed through the room but it ended as abruptly as it had started when Ryeowook's fist hit him on the arm.

"Oh, c'mon, that hurts."

"Shut up." With a pout in his lips, the dancer rested his head on his hands and looked at them, prompting them to continue with a small nod. "Anyways, that's not what I meant. What is really going on with you, Lee Hyukjae?"

"I don't know..." And he really didn't. Maybe his head was more or less in the right place now, but he still couldn't put into words whatever was going on inside his mind.

"I have all night, really." Ryeowook was looking at his fingernails now, all of this seemed to delight him to no end somehow; maybe as a kind of soft revenge for all these past months.

Defeated, Hyukjae let his head rest on the back of his chair, trying to avoid everybody's eyes which looked way more inquisitive and sharp than usual.

"I told him he had crossed a line..." He finally began, trying to put his messy thoughts in order.

"Yah, we all heard that. Not a very nice choice of words or tone from your side, truth be told."

"Hey! c'mon, let him finish. He's not good with... all of this." Hyukjae shot a look at his friend who was mimicking something with his hands, a bit lost for words. "You know... feelings and stuff."

"Who said this had anything to do with feelings you idiot?" Somehow, that sentence had hit a little bit too close to home for his confort. Shit.

"I do." Ryewook's voice had that amused tone now too, God, he really was done for.

"Yeah, me too, actually."

"You're both little pieces of shit, did you know that?."

"See? I told you, he gets all defensive like that, it's really hard to get him to talk about this stuff, always have been." Ryeowook nodded, not losing his smile for one second.

"Don't talk like I'm not here, it's really annoying."

"Do you know what's really annoying?" And now their eyes were back on him and he really regretted he had not bitten his tongue in time. "You. You and this little game you have been pulling off for more than a year to now just blame it all on Yesung because you suddenly got scared."

"What the heck do you mean?"

"Really?" The singer had sighed and was now playing with the bottle in his hand, clearly more and more amused as minutes went by, almost as if he have been waiting for this for a long time now. Which he probably had; Ryeowook really knew how to play the long game. "I'm going to spell it out for you, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong although I know I'm not." He left the bottle by his side and turned to look at him, tilting his head, his face now a perfect display of his best angelical visage. "You have a crush on him."

Those words hit him like a wave, pushing his back to the chair and threatening to drown him, a look of surprise and fear in his face.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" was all he managed to mutter back. The smile wouldn't leave the singer's lips and that was really fueling his anger right now. What did he mean? Of course he didn't have a crush on anyone, least of all on Yesung. They had gotten it all wrong! He just missed their silly banter, missed annoying him until he jumped back at him, missed...

"Luckily for you, I know for a fact Yesung has a crush on you. God knows why, really."

He missed the way he hugged him out of the blue. He missed that smile he knew he could put on his lips, which looked just a tiny bit different to his other smiles and which always reached his eyes...

His gaze turned to Ryeowook, a grimace of panic still on his face. Oh God, he did have a crush. And Ryeowook's smile was all teeth now, and Donghae's arm was around the singer's shoulders while biting down a laugh and he really wanted to run away but he was pretty sure his legs would not work properly.

Ryeowook snapped his fingers in front of Hyuk's face, which was starting to turn a soft red shade in his cheeks and ears. He also was rather sure he had a really dumb expression right now. 

"I'm glad you agree. So, with that out of the way, here's what's going to happen."

  
  


* * *

He didn't quite remember the way back home. Donghae had dropped both of them at their houses, still all laughs, smiles and promises to "be there for you, whatever you need; I know just how much you suck at all of this, no worries, I got'cha", and he felt somewhere in between floating and empty. Better than he had felt in months, but empty anyways, as if his head had been replaced with cotton. 

He had to talk to Yesung; not only he had promised so to Ryeowook and you really didn't go around breaking promises with him if you planned to reach old age, but also he _wanted_ to talk to him. He had been wanting to for a while now, but the fear of disdain and rejection had been looming over his head, stopping him. Those feelings had parted now, and he smiled. 

Tomorrow then. 

* * *

Last night's conversation still rang on his ears, Ryeowook's voice was all he could hear while he took a shower, tried to eat something and thought about how he had got into all of that mess.

_"Here's what's going to happen"_

_"You're going to talk to him and you're going to apologize. I'd ask you to make it a good, nice, honest and proper apology but sadly I'm pretty sure just saying sorry will be enough for Yesung. He's way too soft with you._

_And then, I really don't care. Talk with him about all this, don't, go back to whatever games you were playing before or disappear in a motel for a week. Just, don't hurt him, because if you do I'll find out and you really don't want that."_

  
  


So, he sighed while feeling his cheeks grow warmer as minutes went by, pulled up his conversation with Yesung and even if he was feeling lighter than he had felt for months now knowing he could at least, fix some of this mess even if that meant that now he had to live knowing something about himself he hadn't know before, he also felt a new pang of guilt piercing at his chest seeing their last text, which he had never answered.

"I really am an idiot" He muttered, and started typing.

* * *

  
  


> _**hey** // 14:53 _
> 
> _15:11_ **_// Hey_ **
> 
> _15:11_ **_// Everything okay?_ **
> 
> **_yes_ ** _// 15:11_
> 
> **_sorry_ ** _// 15:13_
> 
> _15:22_ **_// Huh?_ **
> 
> _15:23_ **_// Did something happen?_ **
> 
> **_... are you gonna make me say it?_** _// 15:23_
> 
> _15:27_ **_// What?_ **
> 
> **_really?_ ** _// 15:27_
> 
> _15:28_ **_// I-_ **
> 
> _15:28_ **_// I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Hyukjae._ **
> 
> **_im sorry_ ** _// 15:28_
> 
> _15:31_ **_// ?_ **
> 
> **_REALLY??_ ** _// 15:31_
> 
> _15:43_ **_// I swear I have no idea what you’re talking about. Did you do something?_ **
> 
> _i **m sorry. about that day**_ _// 15:50_
> 
> **_and the next day_ ** _// 15:50_
> 
> **_and pretty much these past months_ ** _// 15:50_
> 
> **_im really really sorry_ ** _// 15:50_
> 
> **_Aesonggie_ ** _is typing_
> 
> _15:53_ **_// Oh_ **
> 
>   
>    
>    
> 
> 
> **_i dont wanna start a fight again or anything but is that all?_** _// 15:59_
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> _16:00_ **_// No, no._ **
> 
> _16:00_ **_// I mean…_ **
> 
> _16:03_ **_// There’s nothing to be sorry about._ **
> 
> _16:04_ **_// We talked about it, everything is okay._ **
> 
> _16:04_ **_// Please don’t worry about it._ **
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> **_no, we didnt talk about it, i told you to cut it, you apologized and i never said anything else_** _// 16:04_
> 
> **_so technically this is my first time saying that im sorry, just letting you know_** _// 16:04_
> 
> **_also im sure i kinda screamed at you. that was awful of me._** _// 16:04_
> 
> **_so there, im sorry_** _// 16:04_
> 
> **_now thats a second time_** _// 16:04_
> 
> **_again, just letting you know_** _// 16:05_
> 
> _16:05_ **_// Hyukjae, please stop, it’s okay, there’s no need for this._ **
> 
> **_actually a third one, i said it twice just a moment ago_ ** _// 16:05_
> 
> _16:05_ **_// I swear, everything is okay._ **
> 
> **_is there something i can do?_** _// 16:05_
> 
> _16:13_ **_// ?_ **
> 
> **_to make it up to you, i mean_** _// 16:14_
> 
> **_coffee, maybe?_ ** _// 16:14_
> 
> **_i can pay!_** _// 16:14_
> 
> _16:18_ **_// You hate those places._ **
> 
> **_yah, if i didnt it would mean much, right?_** _// 16:18_
> 
> _16:18_ **_// I guess…_ **
> 
> **_youre free this weekend, right?_** _// 16:18_
> 
> **_i can stop by and pick you up_ ** _// 16:18_
> 
> **_i wont complain even once, i promise_ ** _// 16:18_
> 
> **_or_ ** _// 16:18_
> 
> _16:19_ **_// I wasn’t really planning on going out…_ **
> 
> **_we could do something else, you know?_ ** _// 16:19_
> 
> **_whatever you want, really._ ** _// 16:19_
> 
> **_your choice! use it wisely!_ ** _// 16:19_
> 
> _16:23_ **_// I don't know.._ **
> 
> _16:47_ **_// Wanna come over and_ **
> 
> _16:47_ **_// What’s that funny sentence…_ **
> 
> _16:48_ **_// Ah, yes_ **
> 
> _16:48_ **_// Netflix and chill?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back to the beggining! I kinda enjoy writting text conversations, in case you couldn't tell :D


	5. I'm sorry I asked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His mind was screaming and screeching and really, he knew that was the best thing he could articulate right now.

He finally picked up the phone again, crouching by the bed while his elbows rested on the mattress.

> 17:13 // **what?**

His mind was screaming and screeching and really, he knew that was the best thing he could articulate right now.

Before he could leave the cell phone again on the bed to start pacing around, a soft hum reached his ears as the screen lighted up.

> 17:14 // **I mean, if you want to.**
> 
> 17:14 // **If no it's okay, too.**
> 
> 17:14 // **No pressure or anything.**

The cell phone fell into the bed one more time, now facing downwards, as Hyukjae used both of his hands to cover his face, feeling his cheeks burning again and trying as hard as he could muster to just think of something to say. It just happened to be that he didn't know what he wanted to say.

That was another lie, of course, but a little one considering just how bad he had been lying to himself for a while now.

He needed to talk to someone. That would surely help him focus. But he needed to grab his cell phone for that. Shit.

As he reached for the device he closed his eyes, clumsily unlocking it while hitting return on the messenger app, hoping the chat with the singer would be closed by the time he opened them again. He was also pretty aware of just how pathetic that had looked but he could deal with the self shame later.

He phoned Donghae.

"Oh, c'mon you idiot, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up"

No answer.

"Don't you dare leave me hanging now, you are suposed to help me!" He was now just yelling at the cell phone. Was this a new low for him? Maybe. He bit his lower lip while filling the thought under " _Shit to deal with once I have fixed this whole mess_ " and opened the chat he had with his friend.

> 17:16 // **i need help**
> 
> 17:16 // **i know youre free right now**
> 
> 17:16 // **please answer the goddam phone**
> 
> 17:17 // **i nned help cmon**
> 
> 17:18 // **shiwer**
> 
> 17:18 // ***shower**
> 
> 17:18 // **talked to yesung yet?**
> 
> 17:18 // **he invited me over**
> 
> 17:19 // **that's good… right?**
> 
> 17:19 // **i mean you said you wanted to talk to him**
> 
> 17:19 // **now theres your chance**
> 
> 17:19 // **i dont think he invited me over to chat**
> 
> 17:19 // **?**
> 
> 17:20 // **OH**
> 
> 17:20 // **OOOH**
> 
> 17:20 // **wll... better?**
> 
> 17:20 // **just dont tell em about it later pleas**
> 
> 17:20 // **oh sugar! im getting my cell phone all wet im gonna get dressed brb!**
> 
> 17:20 // **BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO LEE DONGHAE**
> 
> 17:20 // **I DONT WANNA MESS THIS UP AGAIN**
> 
> 17:28 // **really whats up with you and overthinking all of this**
> 
> 17:28 // **thats a first**

* * *

> _**Aesonggie** _
> 
> 17:29 // **Forget it. I'm sorry I asked.**

* * *

The notification popped up on top of the screen and he could feel his stomach revolting right now. "Nononono... just a minute, please". He switched chats as fast as he could; he didn't want to give the impression that he was avoiding to answer because he didn't want to go, even if _he was kind of avoiding to answer_ , but Hyukjae didn't want to be the reason Yesung kept feeling bad, there had been enough of that these past months.

> 17:29 // **sorry**
> 
> 17:30 // **i was finishing something**
> 
> 17:30 // **didnt mean to leave you hanging!**

_"God you're such a idiot"_

> 17:30 // **sounds great, really! be there in thirty!**

By the time he realized what he had said he had already hitted send. No taking back anything now, and no time for anything else, really, unless he was to leave Yesung waiting which definitely was not a possibility in his mind. Not now, not ever. Well, at least from now on. 

He muttered a soft curse in between his lips as he took a jacket from the clothes rack, the car keys from the hall and in less than a minute he was out of the door. Suddenly he was feeling really glad he had taken that shower before. 

> 17:32 // **Oh, okay!**
> 
> 17:32 // **See you soon!**
> 
> 17:37 // **You should really pick up an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain.**

The phone in his pocket kept humming lowly but he paid it no mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donghae is too much of a good boy to curse.  
> Super small update before the end because work is stressing me out! IS2G I've never been this quick to update fics ever in my life, I'd like to thank whichever spirit is possesing me to write right now.  
> Also I really don't know how to write long chapters, I'm so sorry BUT I promise the final ones will be longer. Like... *checks document* at least twice as long. Yay go me!.  
> And thank you so much for all your nice comments!


	6. A movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big, fluffy (i hope at least) and final update!!
> 
> All that’s left is the epilogue now, but the story pretty much ends here.

He had been driving for no more than five minutes when suddenly, the dark clouds that had been looming for hours now turned the sky into a downpour.

“Really? It just couldn’t wait, could it?” He mumbled in between his teeth while waiting for a traffic light to turn green again. 

Since he had stepped out of his house he had been trying to keep his mind as empty as he could, fearing where his thoughts could lead him but as he was getting closer it was also getting more and more difficult to stop his mind from wandering.

_“So, you have a crush on that huge idiot. And you’re running to his house like you’re in a goddamn romantic movie; quite pathetic isn’t it?”_ It was a really small lie actually: He wasn’t feeling pathetic at all, which was weird, because he thought he really ought to be feeling something of the kind. On the contrary, the only emotion he could really identify at the moment was a low soft and warm buzz on his belly; it was anxiousness, yes, but of the good kind. He bit his lip and found himself smiling just a bit.

Just as he was taking a left trying to pass a car that had been slowing him for a while now a new thought hit him and he felt his ears starting to burn.

_“Oh God, you’re running to his house. You’re gonna see his parents. What the heck was he thinking? Good evening Mrs, Mr, yeah, everything okay? Great. Me? Oh, nothing special, I just kind of found out yesterday that maybe I’ve been having this huge crush on your son for a while now, isn’t it nice? Always a pleasure to see you both. ”_

Why couldn’t he have accepted his offer to grab a coffee? The rain was now getting heavier and he just chuckled. Oh, okay. Maybe that was why. But there had been other options! Truth be told he couldn’t think of any other at the moment, but that wasn’t going to stop his line of thought.

When he finally found somewhere to park the car he took a deep breath still inside and checked the time: 17:53, there were still 7 minutes left, good. There, hovering on the lockscreen, were Yesung’s chat notifications, unread and unbothered. He couldn’t help but to smile. 

"Okay, just a couple of blocks under this squall. Run fast, try not to slip, you’ve got this" 

* * *

  
  


He was drenching by the time Yesung opened the door. After running just for a block, as close to the buildings as possible and realising it wasn't really helping he just took off his jacket, which luckily was waterproof, and put it over his head trying to keep as much rain as possible from his eyes. 

So now he was on the doorstep, a small puddle of water already forming under him; wet shoes, slightly wet trousers and wet strands of hair sticking to his forehead. He was also panting slightly and didn't really dare to raise his gaze. 

"You didn't see my text." There was an amused tone in his voice and Hyukjae could feel his chest getting heavier in between breaths. It had been so long since the last time Yesung had talked to him like that it almost seemed like another life. 

And it had been his fault. 

" I…" He cleared his throat, struggling with what to say. “No, no I didn’t. Sorry.” A small and shy laugh escaped from his lips and suddenly a towel appeared in front of his eyes.

“I thought you might not” He could _feel_ a nervous but warm smile in Yesung’s voice and somehow that made him want to cry: For the pain he had put them both through and for the specific pain he had inflicted on Yesung with his idiocy. Finally raising his gaze he sheepishly looked at him through the wet strands that covered his eyes: The singer looked as tired as he had for a while now, but he really was smiling and that smile looked genuine at last. “Come on, take the towel and come inside!”

Hyukjae finally snapped out of it, breaking eye contact and wondering just for how long he had been looking at him. The thought made his cheeks grow warmer and he lowered his gaze again, trying to shield himself while searching for something to say and break the tension that was building inside of him.

“Aish…” He clicked his tongue as he started to take off his shoes while leaving the towel resting on his neck and trying to make a clutter as small as possible. “I’m making a wet mess here, your mom is gonna kill me”

“Huh?” Yesung, who was already heading down the hall, turned his head back just a moment. “Oh, right, you didn’t know. They went away for the weekend. I was going to go too, actually, but I have some stuff to do on sunday so I decided to stay. Don’t worry about the floor, I’ll clean it up later.”

Hyukjae, a shoe still in his hand, froze on the spot. _“Oh.”_ The knot on his stomach felt tighter every minute.

“No, I didn't know.” His voice had cracked just a bit. “ _Oh my God Lee Hyukjae what are you, twelve?”_

“Do you need a shirt too?” Yesung’s voice reached his ears from the other side of the hallway and he finally took off the other shoe and followed him.

“Huh?” As he rested his back by the doorframe, trying to steady himself, his gaze wandered around the room. He had been at his parents house before, but somehow they had never gone into his room. It looked… well, it looked like it belonged to Yesung, that was for sure. He was good at making spaces truly his, something that always had amazed Hyukjae.

“You’ll catch a cold if you don’t change.” Yesung finally said while rummaging through his wardrobe. “Here, just leave yours on the chair” As he spoke he left a pair of jogging pants and some socks on the table. “It’s getting colder outside so… “ Now that he had nothing to focus his attention on, Hyukjae could see that he looked just as nervous as himself, avoiding his gaze and fidgeting with his fingers. “Well, you get cold easily. Take a hoodie if you want too, it’s okay. I… huh… I’ll be in the living room.” As he was speaking he took his cellphone from the table and left, making sure not to even brush Hyukjae, who was still leaning on the door frame, on his way out.

He kinda regretted not following his first impulse, which had been to reach for his hand as he was leaving, stopping him on his tracks and… _and what?_

It didn’t matter now, so he sighed and tried drying his hair, burying the knot he felt on his stomach and trying to focus: dry hair, dry clothes and whatever came after that.

And, on a whim, just as he was about to leave the room, he decided to also pick a hoodie from the pile Yesung had pointed out before: He wasn’t that cold, really, but just _the thought_ of putting on one of his hoodies had made the metaphorical butterflies in his stomach reappear. Yeah, that felt pretty nice actually. He could get used to all of this.

  
  


He plopped on the other side of the couch, seeing Yesung’s fingers fidgeting with a loose thread of the old, greyish shirt he wore while his eyes focused on a point just above Hyukjae's left ear. The singer probably thought he couldn't tell the difference, but he could. 

"So… is there any movie you want to watch?" He finally spoke and Hyukjae's eyes opened, full of surprise, the beginning of a smile forming just around the corners of his mouth. 

"Wait. Give just a moment here" A funny smile was starting to creep upon Hyukjae's lips, realization finally hitting him. "This _really_ is about a movie" 

"Well of course it is about a movie." There was an anxious tone to his voice now, his gaze jumping from a place to another, never quite reaching Hyukjae's eyes. "I mean, I did say Netflix didn't I? What did you expect?" 

"A movie. " 

"Yes" He couldn't help but laugh now. Of course he had meant a movie. "Lee Hyukjae, if this is some kind of weird joke, I swear it's not funny at all." 

"You invited me over for movie night" Laughs were ringing on his ears now and he really was trying to just bite them down but he just couldn't help it. All of his anxiousness had been set free, replaced by a warm, light feeling on his chest. "Of course you did" He finally managed to say after a few moments. 

"I'm really not following you" Confusion was darkening his gaze and he mentally kicked himself for that sudden burst of laughs. "Are you okay? Did you catch a cold in the rain or something?" He moved along the couch, getting closer with his hand reaching out towards Hyukjae's forehead. Oh God, he was actually worried. 

So, before his fingers could even graze upon his skin he took Yesung's hand in his, lowering it and making it rest on his chest pressing over the exact same place where he had touched him a few nights ago to push him away. Somewhere along the way he had also closed his eyes and was now engulfed in darkness, in a place where time didn't exist and where he was feeling whole again, his heart louder and louder, threatening to leave his chest at any moment. 

Therefore, it was not until he finally opened his eyes once again that he realised just _how close_ Yesung was now after he had pulled his hand towards him and he could swear there was a hint of red on the tips of his ears. 

"I've missed you so so much" It came out as a hoarse whisper and, before Yesung had any chance to answer back or even register what he had just said, Hyukjae had already pushed himself forward, lips barely touching. 

If he had been scared even for a moment of the singer's response, which he wasn't (okay, maybe just a bit), all those fears vanished when he felt Yesung's free hand come to rest tentatively on the crook of his neck, his fingers barely touching his skin, making him feel as if he were made of crystal and could break at the smallest pressure. 

“I’m so so sorry” He finally whispered with his eyes still closed, softly resting his forehead on Yesung’s and feeling his warm breath tickling his skin. “I…” His voice cracked just a bit and he pressed his eyelids shut harder now as a way to stop the tears that were fighting to escape. “I’m an idiot. And I got scared. And I didn’t know what was going on because I’m really bad at all this. And I blamed you because I’m that much of an idiot and I really don’t know how or why you put up with me, or why are you even forgiving me, which I really hope you have, but I’d totally understand if you didn’t” Once he had started talking he just couldn’t stop, and his hands were now gripping onto Yesung’s shirt in a vain attempt to keep him in place, to keep him close.

“I… I really suck at this. But I’m never gonna pull something as awful and idiotic as screaming at you ever again. Please believe me. It’s okay if you don’t just, I’d understand it… but please…” Tiny tears were now rolling down his cheeks and he felt Yesung trying to move away just a bit, so he held onto his shirt even tighter. “...Please…”

He felt Yesung’s hands over his, softly and carefully freeing his shirt from the grip of his fingers and he hiccuped, preparing for whatever was coming his way as he finally let him get free and dropped his hands over his legs, defeated.

And suddenly Yesung’s hands were delicately cupping his cheeks, his thumbs drying the wet threads tears have left on their way down and he was hiccuping and didn’t dare to meet his eyes.

“I already said I had forgiven you months ago” Hyukjae blinked slowly a couple of times, catching a blurry view of Yesung’s heart shaped smile from behind his still wet eyes “I was never mad at you, though. Just mad at myself." And now his lips were on his cheeks, on his forehead, on the tip of his nose, and Hyukjae let out a soft chuckle while trying to dry his eyes. 

"So, what about a proper kiss then?" The instant that last word left his mouth, Yesung's hands, that had never stopped holding his head, pulled softly but firmly towards him, closing the gap between them. Hyukjae could swear he was glowing the moment their lips touched again, breaking the tension that had been, unknowingly to him, growing inside of him all this time. And he could feel Yesung slowly tracing the form of his lips, soft puffs of warm air trickling his skin and one of his hands making his way towards the back of his neck, securing him in place. He chuckled at the thought and even with his eyes closed, he could feel Yesung’s smile against him.

“What the fuck are you laughing about?” It was barely a whisper but Hyukjae couldn’t help but to laugh softly again against his lips, a warm giddiness overflowing his head.

“You look cute when you curse.”

“You’re a brat” And before he could say anything else back at him, sharp teeth closed on his lower lip, making him gasp at the surprise and the sensation. He knew he had lost the moment Yesung took advantage of this to deepen the kiss and suddenly he lost all control, whatever had been repressed inside of him taking the reins.

His fingers, as if they had a mind of their own, had found their way just under the hem of Yesung’s shirt, trembling the moment they found skin, warm and soft and so real and physically present under his fingertips that for a moment the wondered if he was going to cry yet again.

And all of a sudden he was pushing Yesung against the couch until he was laying on top of him, and now Yesung was chuckling softly, making both of them trembling and if there was going to be any consequences for today’s event, he couldn’t care less. 

* * *

"You really are an idiot." Hyukjae was curled up on him, face buried on the crook of his neck, the TV screen long forgotten. As an answer he just hummed softly, sending tickles down Yesung’s spine. "You could have gone back for an umbrella, I'd have waited."

"Are you really gonna sell short my whole grand gesture running under the rain just like that?" 

"No, I just wanted you to know that. That I'd have waited, I mean." 

"You always do, that's exactly why I couldn't mess everything up, not this time." 

"You're cute" 

"You're an idiot" 

"We both are, I'm afraid." 

"... Good."


End file.
